Self Honesty

Living with reality requires a truthful heart and mind.

Author: Sharon Dalzell (Page 1 of 2)

Sharon facilitates groups on self honesty in the Santa Cruz mountains of California. She is also a licensed massage therapist and specializing in Myofascial Release for the treatment of chronic pain and stress.

It’s Your Passion! Discover Your Values and Your Voice

2023/12/30 /
Discover your values and your voice

Why is it important to find your values and your voice? Why use hypnotherapy. 

Ask yourself what is valuable? From where do your values stem? Clearly, family, religious influence, social pressure, political affiliation, and the billions spent on advertising are means of suggestion to influence everyone’s actions and choices.

But how can you discover your own authentic values in the midst of this bombardment of influence? Any original capacity you may harbor might be discouraged by the ‘norms’ that gain by directing your choices.

Discover your values and your voice

Hypnosis or hypnotherapy coaching is also suggestion consciously used for your own ends. It allows you to stop habitual thinking and release the energy and attention imprisoned by past suggestions of the culture industry. The US is far less violent than in the past, but the media grabs our attention with constant bad news, limiting our choices. Somewhere, a bad man came out of the bushes; therefore, all bushes are dangerous, and all men are bad.

Ericksonian Hypnotherapy

You can discover your values and your voice

Lastly, hypnotherapy/hypnosis uses the power of your own mind. You thaw the frozen habits and allows a clearer vision of the present. Hypnotherapy uses your intelligence consciously to undo a lifetime of suggestions from others that may or may not have had your best interest at heart. You can take the helm in your life. With your intelligence freed, you discover your sense of what’s valuable. You claim your own authentic voice in your own life.”

You Can Use Hypnosis or Fall Under Its Spell

2023/12/30 /
Hypnotic technology

Hypnosis is a gateway into the uncharted realms of the subconscious mind, as evidenced by the colossal sums businesses invest in hypnotic advertising. But the pressing question is not about hypnosis’s power; rather, it is about how you can use this potent tool rather than fall prey to its relentless influences that often flow to us through technology.

As you enter the realm of the trance states, you can unlock forgotten or repressed memories—an invaluable resource for breaking the chains of harmful habits. Hypnosis is an efficient instrument for breaking free from the clutches of self-destructive habits, such as substance abuse, that wreak havoc on your body and mind.

Use Hypnosis or Fall Under Its Spell

Another facet of hypnotherapy often escapes our attention. It is a powerful tool for refining your perception of reality. Regrettably, much of what we perceive as “reality” is not rooted in authenticity but is a mere construct—a system of beliefs, a simulation, or a distorted reflection—a deceptive mirage that our minds have erroneously embraced as the truth.

As my longtime beloved poignantly says, 

“Every accident is the real world falsifying our concepts of the world, reminding us they are not the same thing.”

Todd Vickers

The shadow of our culture and its expectations looms, casting its influence over our lives. Society plays an indispensable role in ensuring cooperation and justice. Yet history testifies to societies, marked by grave errors and instances of cruelty. Cultures, whether labeled as primitive or sophisticated, seem to be gravitating towards tribalism. Within this context, your affiliations or the collective to which you belong play a pivotal role in shaping your habitual thinking. The voice of that collective, often disguising itself as your own, may not genuinely represent what is best for you or others.

In moments when the burden of being the “voice of the collective” becomes unbearable, an opportunity for liberation emerges. The desire to break free from the mechanical habits that echo popular memes and tribal clichés. That holds the potential for the emerging clarity of an authentic adult individual. This change is marked by the liberation from the stifling constraints of culture while retaining a firm grasp on what truly matters.

Use Hypnosis or Fall Under Its Spell

The conscious use of hypnotherapy is instrumental in distinguishing your choices from those imposed upon you by insidious hypnotic suggestions. Reality tends to shock and disillusion the alluring but misguided constructs of magical thinking promoted by culture, often linked to the emotions it incites. Much like the abrupt awakening from a vivid nightmare, we realize that the perceived danger was merely a creation of the mind, with no connection to reality.

More and more scientists emphasize the alarming shifts in our climate, painting a bleak future. The ultra-rich influencing the governing of our societies appear to pose a significant threat to our shared habitat. Disturbingly, some among the one percent are constructing luxurious underground bunkers, a paradoxical response to the reality they often publicly deny. When the facade of the collective’s magical thinking ultimately shatters, chaos looms on the horizon, a chaos that may be attributed to the hypnotic suggestions funded by the billionaire class.

Amidst this disheartening landscape, you might find yourself pondering, “What can I do?” One answer to this question lies in embarking on a journey to explore new dimensions in both the inner and outer worlds. Through this odyssey, you will come to recognize that reality transcends the boundaries of our narrow and habitual concepts. You will discover what imparts genuine meaning to your life and serves as the beacon illuminating your unique path—a path that might lead you far beyond the mundane cycle of work, consumption and endless hypnotic distraction by scrolling social media or binging inane amusements.

Use Hypnosis or Fall Under Its Spell

Hypnosis possesses the potential to disband the deep-seated, habit-riddled state of mind that has distorted your self-image and your perception of life. In this journey of self-discovery, the conscious mind can relax and recognize the hidden habits operating automatically behind the scenes. Some habits are born from past traumas, leaving your body-mind in a state of hyper-vigilance; always on the lookout for signs of impending danger. This perpetual vigilance, operating in many situations that bear no genuine threat, Not everything orange is an orange. Habits hinder the ability to learn and discover new things, along with the joy that accompanies such discoveries.

The instinct to explore, akin to the bold curiosity of a toddler venturing to the other side of the nursery, alone is a treasure trove of potential when coupled with the judgment of a conscious adult. This allows you to channel your creativity into various facets of life, like love and other relationships and let’s not leave out sex!

Hypnosis can be your tool or “their” tool.

Persuasion (rhetoric) is hypnosis, harnessed as a tool of radical clarity, serves as the antidote to years of automatic habits that have sown the seeds of disillusionment. You can confront these deeply ingrained habits and past judgments. From a more mature perspective, than when these habits took root. In doing so, you can replace or even simply disobey those habits and free yourself from the influences that can, to your misfortune, govern your thoughts and actions.

This liberation offers you the opportunity to reside in the freedom of your existing capacity, and to embrace learning and discovery, and share with others who want to enrich life making it not only worth living but also worth protecting.

By Sharon Schlotthauer

Use hypnotherapy tools

Use Hypnotherapy Tools During Crisis

2020/03/27 /

In this Covid 19 pandemic, our emotions make us more vulnerable to suggestion. It’s a problem when the suggestions are misleading and false. The good news is we can secure our own minds and change our habits using hypnosis to undo outside messaging, it’s actually a de-hypnotizing process. We turn hypnosis to our own benefit rather than having it used on us by others.

Fear inducing headlines, true and false are hypnotic because they are repetitive. This seductive method bypasses conscious thought and critical thinking. It enters our subconscious mind using symbols that are meaningful to us. Our attention and data are now worth more than oil. Our habits of mind become strings used to manipulate us. Hypnotic suggestions create powerful impressions on the subconscious mind. How do we get hooked? How do we remain clear of manipulation when our feelings are led by the agenda of others?

We turn hypnosis to our own benefit rather than having it used on us by others.

When watching TV or scrolling through social media notice the symbols being offered to your subconscious mind via repetition. Emotionally powerful means are employed like fear, hope, beauty, emotionally powerful images and more. These become post hypnotic suggestions. Anyone who thinks hypnosis doesn’t work needs to ponder why so much money is poured into advertising. Whether it’s goods, services, faith or political beliefs, we are being led by our subconscious mind. We’ve been witnessing poor decisions around us like denial or the panicking bandwagon effect where people hoard toilet paper that can’t stop a virus, etc. This is a kind of reaction resulting from suggestion. It touches a desire for some control to offset the dread of being in the unknown. Truthfully, we need our energy and attention to be addressing the reality, not the narratives in our mind fostered by others.

Try a few hypnosis sessions. (I’m offering emergency sliding rates now and expanding my services to sessions by phone and video). Now more than ever, we need to learn how to remain clear in the midst of uncertainty, to act rather than react for our own benefit and that of others.

Try a few hypnosis sessions.

We’ve never encountered a situation like the one we face now. Our typical distractions are stripped away as we isolate at home and our emotions can get supercharged. Using post hypnotic suggestions, you can clear your subconscious mind of unnecessary anxiety and become more realistic. By breaking free of habits triggered by stress, fear and other people we develop the fortitude to ride out this pandemic and adapt to change as sanely as possible, even if we’re forced to face tragedy. We are in uncharted waters. Life has changed suddenly, and we don’t know what lies ahead. Use hypnotherapy to help you cut the strings pulling us useless directions. Grow the clarity to carry on.

By Sharon Schlotthauer

World Health Organization – Corona Virus (Covid 19) Update

Centers for Disease Control – Covid 19 Info

How Myofascial Release helps

How Myofascial Release Helps

2019/05/29 /

How Myofascial Release helps.

First it’s not massage. It’s called bodywork because no oil or lotion are used during treatment. Fascia is the connective tissues in the body. Myofascial Release works by softening scar tissue, increasing mobility in joints or muscles that have been injured, as well as in giving a sense of being more relaxed and open.

When fascia is released often memories arise and become conscious to our mind. The previously subconscious memory, along with the tension that was trapped, no longer have the same effects on the psyche. This brings a wonderful feeling of freedom from the memory and tension.

I was fortunate enough to learn Myofascial Release from John Barnes himself, who spearheaded the research into this method when he had become frustrated with the limits of physical therapy.

I offer this bodywork combined with a specific type of hypnotherapy. Both techniques compliment each other to achieve a transformation. It’s like updating the map of reality. New and more accurate content is consciously offered to the subconscious mind.

Myofascial Release is a kind of stretching technique that allows stuck fascia to release without deep physical pressure or force, regardless it can be quite an intense experience because we feel the body let go. We literally feel the heat called a vaseo-motor response. This also happens in Cranial-Sacral bodywork which I also offer.

I have been a licensed practitioner of these methods for over twenty years and have helped many people heal from old injuries, tension, chronic pain and habits of destructive thinking. Some people like it just because it makes them feel good in their body and that is worthwhile.


By Sharon Schlotthauer

Use hypnotherapy tools

Power to Change

2019/05/11 /

Advertisers understand the power of the subconscious mind. That is why they spend so much money to imprint it with their messages. I am impressed at the power of the subconscious mind, having learned for myself how hard it is to overcome some bad habits.

I’ve practiced hypnosis and somatic massage for over twenty years along with various forms of meditation. My meditation practice alone did not entirely crack the code of my subconscious mind, though it was important. Subconscious systems of thought ran in my mind automatically, they were both trusted and familiar. These habits reflected a self concept that did not budge, regardless of my insight and knowledge. You see, my map of reality included a recurring sense of self in danger. This crippled both my ambition and self care. My energy and attention seemed to be on the edge of a minefield. I felt fear of getting blown to smithereens. For a long time I refused to move forward living and used various avoidance strategies. By questioning my beliefs I previously took for granted, meditation, therapy and massage, I found partial relief, still my fear of disaster remained embedded in the map of my personal reality.

“How do we know hypnosis works? Because advertisers wouldn’t spend hundreds of millions to influence us with their messages if it didn’t work.”

Hypnotherapy is the method that allowed me to change the map of reality that became a habit in my youth.

It is really a kind of de-hypnotizing that brings the subconscious mind into alignment or harmony with the conscious mind. I’m more effective, as a result of this deconditioning. I’m liberated from the fear based habits which subconsciously sabotaged my best efforts to live. Hypnosis frees energy from old fear driven habits to create a better map of reality.

Hypnosis is a tool that updates the conscious and subconscious mind that’s capable of addressing and adapting to actual circumstances. Living now is an adventure in discovery in ever changing circumstances. Discovery is what the unknown offers and no longer is it simply a dangerous threat to me, it’s an exciting adventure.

By Sharon Schlotthauer

Conscious Body

Orgasms of this conscious Body

2018/10/01 /

I am seventy-one but I discovered my orgasm at twenty-five and enjoyed a great deal of orgasmic sex in the years after; until I experienced what I shall describe as a time of sexual hibernation. Thankfully, I went on to re-emerge from that hibernation, and I want to share my experience of a new sexual blossoming in what are my twilight years.

I’ll begin my insight into sexual experiences with a question: Why reach for a more conscious sexuality? The actuality is that we either love consciously or we love (and live) based in memories from the past. Those memories become automatic routines which attempt to support our ego, that is, how we imagine ourselves. We circle the drain—just going ‘round and ‘round the same old stories as death approaches. (In honor of that fact, I confess that I am seventy-one, and closer to the end than the beginning.) Conscious sexuality is the ability to disobey old habits and prejudices while discovering our body’s sensual wonders.

I want to share my experience of a new sexual blossoming…

Before getting too heavy, just so you know, I would be skeptical reading this if I hadn’t experienced it myself. I’m continually discovering more of my body’s capacity, which includes a love of truth. As I clarify and honor this love of truth, I find there is more and more freedom and joy in my body, and what I want is to support and invite you readers into your own discovery. Furthermore, while I am polyamorous by nature, I am not suggesting non-monogamy is the only means of discovering more of your own capacity for clarity and joy. Different expressions of sexuality are a huge part of my experience and still I understand that such diversity is not for everyone.

Conscious sexuality is the ability to disobey old habits and prejudices while discovering our body’s sensual wonders.

As I said above, after many years of orgasmic joy, my sexuality went into a state of deep rest when I turned sixty-eight. It was a winter-like hibernation that lasted about two years, and I wondered constantly what had caused such a withdrawal. I felt during that time that I might be dying, though medical tests proved otherwise. So I inquired into circumstances. There were circumstances and people who I could not control, and my efforts to do so were futile and draining. There were also negative emotional reactions happening within and without that I could not understand, and could not accept. Due to this exceedingly uncomfortable experience, I fell into my old habit of trying to explain it all, trying to find some sense of security. All my efforts at explaining what was going on left me with a dormant libido. I felt reduced to ash in dark, cold endless space. That sounds awful, and indeed, I didn’t feel very good during that time, until something surprising happened. An event came to pass wherein I felt an astounding flash of heat in my body, like a sunburst, and came back to life. What rekindled the fire in my belly? – My longtime  lover passionately connected with a wonderful woman who exuded an amazing life force. Their connection had something to do with the thaw-inducing sunburst I experienced. Odd as it may seem, I felt completely included in his almost instant love for her. Unfortunately, within a few months, she became unable to continue meeting with him (or us) even as friends. She disappeared and wouldn’t respond. I think it was his unique and intense love for this woman – love that was so inclusive, so bright with aliveness – that brought me out of sexual hibernation. Most interesting to me is that who I was before this happened is not the one who came back. My sexuality rekindled like a phoenix rising from ashes.

“I felt completely included in his love for her.”

My interest in this new sexual life affirmation brought me an even deeper understanding of my body-mind. In every way the body expresses, be it physical, sexual, emotional, mental, imaginative or mysterious, I felt a clarifying consciousness occurring in my body. This has been a great gift for me and has been a boon for my work as a massage practitioner and hypnotherapist. I came back to sexuality better able to see how our subconscious mind makes it easy for us to live on auto-pilot. We run our lives on habits found in our memories and limited by our past. They are driven by the fear of loss, making self-centered fear the basis for the choices we only think we are making consciously. I could also see that the satisfaction of any desire can never free us from the past that…

Join us in Santa Cruz. One night in October

makes fear the driver. Only truly conscious choice can free us from automatic habits of behavior learned in the past. I came back to life knowing one can only disobey entrenched habits of mind consciously—habits the mind has made to create and protect an identity. With this new conscious understanding, and as my lover was enduring waves of passionate longing for someone who ghosted him, I felt I was meeting myself anew. My sexuality felt rejuvenated and my orgasms were different as I felt the inclusiveness when he shared his passionate love, for her and for me.

“Only truly conscious choice can free us from automatic habits of behavior”

Since my new emergence in this twilight blossoming, I am experiencing orgasmic joy beyond what I have known before. This body’s orgasms are longer and more full body than ever, and they continue to include visions of color and other inexplicable phenomena while radiating passionate intensity in utterly remorseless pleasure. That is a joy! While my sexual appetite is not as urgent as when I was younger, this doesn’t concern me. My body still roars often, just not every day. When I was younger my orgasms burst from my clitoris like fireworks flashing across the night sky. Now they are longer and sweeter than ever before. Instead of orgasms like geysers with a sudden force that then pass quickly, I have orgasms that start and just go on and on, like a bubbling, laughing river running through me, and at other times, cascading over a waterfall. Orgasm ripples across my skin and across my face, while also moving deep inside my body. Other times I feel somehow I am the string holding a kite that is wafting in the sky, the wind lifting it higher and higher, carrying me as I soar in the unknown skies of joy, with colors of the night and of the dawn, twilight and mid-day shining sun, high in the sky. And these colorful, long, luxurious orgasmic waves of bliss just keep coming. All this at the age of seventy-one, as this body exposes and goes right on exploding the myth of ageism. A myth that I believed until I discovered the truth. As my lover mentioned above said, sometimes it‘s wonderful to be wrong.

This body’s orgasms are longer and more full body than ever

I find orgasmic joy with such variety, fun, and free-falling beauty and grace, that I’m continually astounded. Gratefully and happily I’m leaning into new adventures and possibilities with old and new friends and lovers. I feel more at home and interested in exploring for fun and for free as an open, loving, responsible adult. I’m fulfilling an intuition of inherent freedom that I somehow knew as a small child, and it comes to life as I am living conscious sexuality as an adult. I have enjoyed experiencing sex clubs, free spirit events, and tantric exploration, and I will continue to live this conscious adventure. I think this is possible for whomever is willing to go beyond the known. Again (because it is so important,) when we subconsciously rely on the past for our map of reality, it traps us in routines, and keeps us from realizing our full capacity. It keeps us crashing on the same old shore, while we keep longing to fulfill that intuition that there is somehow more. Well, that “more” is not “out there,” it’s in our own body, opening to our real capacity for joy, for conscious awareness of this gift of being alive.

We feel the intensification of aliveness when in the unknown, outside of the routine that gives us a false sense of security. If we fear the unknown, we are probably fixated on safety and security, relying on amusements and diversions that involve little if any discovery. And while a belief may seem to console fears, no belief can actually guarantee safety and security. The alternative to living in variations of memory over and over is to live in the world of more conscious discovery. Here, discovery includes gain and loss, the coming and going of subjective and objective events including intense feeling. A capacity to endure intense mental and emotional states including discomfort is part of the capacity to soar like a bird without any strings attached.

Discovery is a trial and error exploration in the midst of life. It‘s been my experience that open sexuality is relating intimately with others directly and indirectly. This actual interconnection has allowed me to find my own capacities. The joyful, full body, sensual living color and oceanic orgasms I experience in this open universe that exists beyond what I’ve known in my past. It’s actually the great gift of non-identification with how I imagine myself in my mind. It’s why I meditate and work in hypnotherapy—I want to invite others out of whatever habits of mind are limiting them so they can discover their own life, love, and clarity. Now is the moment where discovery awaits.

I am living this joy, and it’s here for whomever wants to feel fully alive and dares to discover their own conscious choices.

2016/12/14 /

hypnosis-pic-3
SharonBy Sharon Dalzell |

In service of survival we imagine ourselves but we mistake this dreaming to be our real self. This self concept can have many parts that have different jobs. It’s an adventure describing how a conscious noticing can be introduced into this habitual (unconscious) world of mind. The self we’re imagining and the many sub selves it juggles thinks and feels itself real. To introduce noticing this self is rather like listening to conversations among imaginary friends. Noticing, or paying attention to these imagined selves operating subconsciously is powerful. After spending couple of days talking to and mostly listening to my own different selves and inviting them to come forth, they spoke out loud and it went something like this…

The imagined self lays down the ‘law’ regarding what we allow as socially proper behavior, for me. But, wait, here comes another self, with another set of ideas. A self who wants out from under the pressure of societal norms and it insists on saying ‘yes’ to a nontraditional lifestyle. This self thinks she has a right to a juicier, more lively living experience. Another self sighs and shuffles in, a worn and torn mother speaking about how sick and tired she is of the struggle that goes on among these different selves. It is lively and energetically charged, how these different selves step into the conversation. The mother self seems a bit of a martyr, managing the squabbling and manipulative mind stuff of and child and adolescent selves. The mother self is stoic and forever worn out. She feels guilty that she has not been able to reconcile these warring and childish selves. She wanted her kids to have better than she had. She now  wants the kids to go away because they don’t listen, they’re unruly and refuse to co-operate. They know she’ll take care of them no matter how they argue and refuse to co-operate with one another.

There is a conscious awareness is in the midst of mental stories, a noticing of the perpetual cycling of these selves as they are being taken care of or belittled by another imagined self like the martyr mom above. But who notices  what or who  holds all of this that is circling within. The martyr mom would be out of a job if the kids ever reconciled. Who notices this play in the theater of mind?

As I play with and listen to these selves I become aware that these so-called selves are habitual systems, created in my mind, developed from some snapshot in the past where this thought of ‘I’ made a decision about how to get by in the world, that decision has since become automatic. I don’t have to think about it for the habit to work. I am convinced all of us formed such survival strategies that are a bit like my personal example.

A baby learns and adapts to whatever circumstances are present. Familial influences are present along with an onslaught of hypnotic advertising. These things influence a human being by six months of age. Whatever beliefs (systems of thought) influenced us from culture e.g. spiritual or religious influence, it seems a sense of self will be created and form strategies to cope with the world. With media influence especially with the advent of the internet reaches into us more powerfully influencing what an person or group comes to believe. Primitive and modern values converge forming the foundation of notions ‘about’ ourselves built out of all the information bombarding the mind. All aspects of this self presumes to do different jobs and even struggle with conflicting beliefs. Survival is presumably the goal of these beliefs.

As an experiment let’s let these selves come forth and speak. This changes things because we do it consciously instead of habitually. It is illuminating and begins to separate awareness from what is a magnificent complex of thought that is typically automatic. We see these routines are often emotionally charged and it’s quite astounding to see them as a kind of thought software as opposed to ‘who we are.’

To help this witnessing of the mind, creating an altered state like a mild trance serves as a tool to break us out of our habitual thinking. Hypnosis is similar to a meditative altered state of mind, except in meditation we are quieting the mind, in hypnosis we are consciously exploring it. Our own Awareness simply begins to see what’s happening within the mind BECAUSE we are not operating automatically we bring NEW conscious insights, facts and judgments to these previously habituated thinking and this dramatically changes how we value these ideas. We may see some habits no longer serve us, if they ever did. Our whole view of ourselves and how we see the world can change. In this way hypnosis works in favor of the individual’s conscious freedom to choose.

Finding our own capacity to redirect previously automatic processes of the mind counters and, often, breaks the ‘spell’ cast by the constant hypnotic influence of marketing, cultural and religious influence. Many of these strategies simply guide consumers to products or beliefs that serve outside interests.

Conscious use of hypnosis can undo the influence of hypnotic techniques that we’ve been exposed to our whole life.

We begin to use the mind more consciously and less habitually to direct our own choices. This can be playful too. It’s joyful to find out there is more to life than habits formed many years ago. Let’s create a life worth living and a world in which it’s a joy to live.

My name is Sharon Dalzell Schlotthauer CCHT. I help the process above. I use hypnosis to undo a lifetime of hypnosis that no longer serves a purpose, if it ever did.  

The neti neti of relationship, not this or that

2016/12/03 /

todd-sharonBy Sharon Dalzell |

I wanted to offer my point of view after Todd wrote a piece about our relationship. I met a sixteen year old Todd back in the eighties. We felt an immediate connection regardless of the twenty one year age difference, we seemed kindred spirits. We discovered an ongoing friendship lasting over thirty years. We meditated together and found many altered states together without drugs. We swam in the big waves of risky conversation.

Todd and I both wanted to understand and get closer to the truth. I sought answers to questions I’ve had since I was four years old. “What is going on here?” was my question. Todd had similar questions. “What is the restlessness that drives us to the next discovery? And why does truth seem so elusive in spite of being as honest as possible. The desire for clarity united me with Todd in a mutual affection and interest in “truth, freedom and affection that we valued above many other things like money, property and prestige. Our growing platonic friendship included these conversations among many other friends with different points of view. This friendship we enjoyed for ten years. Then we went from affectionate friendship to intimate sexual friendship after I left a twenty-eight year marriage.

In 1994 Todd underwent some sort of change in India that I could feel acutely. It seemed some sort of awakening. At this time I asked him to be lovers with me and he accepted my invitation. Our mutual love and desire for truth and freedom became clearer as I began to understand non-identification with mind. I felt fascinated and captivated at the change in him. How was he able to remain free of his mind’s demands and free from conclusions based on the past?

not-your-ideal

Link: Todd writing about our relationship

Our relationship began open with no commitment and that is how it remains. We invite others who might be interested in affection in the midst of desire for truth. We share joy without limiting it to fears of not getting what we want or losing what we have. Not that those fears don’t exist, but those fears do not control or limit our choices. That is why this openly sexual loving friendship extends beyond the horizon of expectations.

The term neti neti means not this and not that. I have experienced neti neti in this relationship with Todd as a vehicle for my clarity. I don’t know if I am able to make you the reader understand but let’s try. I will come back to neti neti.

This long lasting friendship moved through many intense changes and places of confusion that resolved into more clarity. Clarity has always been what I’ve really been after, more than clinging to any passing event. I used to define myself by my upbringing, but what I do now is so far beyond my past it requires, a better definition, perhaps a negative definition. Definitions don’t change but we do. The problem is trying to share with others because they tend to define Todd and I according to cultural ideas. For example Todd and I might be seen by others only within the confines of polyamory. That conclusion is a mistake.

Now for neti neti, I am not his wife, I am not his primary partner, I am not his business partner, I am not his stand by or his stand in, not his owner, not his possession, I am not his to define nor defined by him (nor anyone else.) I am autonomous and enjoying an intimate friendship, while it exists, with this different sort of man. Neither of us have a limit on who we love either as friends or lovers. There is no hierarchy among us or our lovers. There is a desire not to cause harm.

I love women and want them to have such freedom in their life too. I am not competing with other women, I am not a foe, I am not playing a role, I’m not perfect, I’m not obligated to obey my feelings or those of others. I’m not denying my feelings. I’m not peddling a lifestyle but I do invite clarity. That’s why I chose the work I do. I am not a good girl, I choose how to be, free-standing, free-falling and free flying even in the midst of uncertainty. We happen to live in a shared household but this home we purchased doesn’t define me or us either. We invited a friend to recover from surgery here and she has been here ever since. That is one small example of how spontaneous this our life can be.

In an age of image, to take a snapshot of what this relationship is in any moment and define it as such is to miss the much larger picture. Life is offering so much more than what could be contained in such a snapshot.

Edit: Grammar 12/03/2016

Make your own memories

2016/11/21 /

recreate-your-story

By Sharon Dalzell

Consider trying hypnosis to reconstruct past traumatic memories, construct and anchor new memories of confidence and success in whatever you wish to accomplish, and/or let go of what no longer serves you in the present. Consciously changing one’s story is natural and effective. Memories of past events are reconstructed by the mind, but are not the event itself. The event has come and gone and is no more. It is an echo as only a memory of the event remains. In fact, that memory is only a facsimile of the event itself. Whether it is a reasonable facsimile is food for discussion.

Memories of traumatic events give us pause and help us to decipher what is safe for us to pursue. If we’ve had experiences that were far less than satisfying, then they have likely either left us apprehensive and overly cautious or reckless, flaunting a devil-may-care attitude in our choices. The outcome of either reaction to our past experiences has probably dominated our lives and been the driving force that has brought us unnecessary suffering.

Desiring satisfactual, zippity doo dah days, such as we see advertised via the media, we try to overcome our memories of past harm and focus on anything that catches our attention and offers us a bright and better future. However, we never seem to get to that future.

Still, we say that ‘we gotta play the game the way that it is’ and we are swept away by any mesmerizing promises dangled in front of us. In addition, we are either mesmerizing others with our charms or being mesmerized. We are enchanted by this or that notion or belief. We are charmed by this or that suitor. We are smitten by a desire to have what will make and keep us satisfied. All of this indicates that we are being induced into trance like states by those individuals selling material goods, expensive vacations, promises of great love, and/or adventure. All of this so that we will feel better about being alive. The question that we must ask is ‘How well does this work?’ However, that question never seems to be fully answered.

What I am suggesting is NOT chasing the next promise of fulfillment or satisfaction sent as a hypnotic suggestion. What I am suggesting is reconstructing past memories by induction of a light to medium trance , or altered state of mind. Such states appeal directly to the subconsciousness or inner child mind. The transformation and conscious creation of new memories that neutralize or heal memories of past wounds are meant for one’s own benefit. Thus, rather than lining the pockets of those individuals who sell ‘lifestyles’ loaded with all sort of products that we don’t need and will not help us in the long-run (because the underlying memories that we are trying to change will not have changed), creating new memories will allow the wounded memories to heal and the restlessness, fear, or concern to dissipate, negating the need for such lifestyles.

Hypnotic suggestion in a deeply relaxed state of mind is quite powerful and can be of great personal benefit. Reconstructing traumatic memories, just enough to be able to enter them consciously, allows the individual to gain victory and satisfaction by healing the memory. This collapsing of the old traumatic memory is accomplished by consciously bringing new experiences, facts and judgment into the subconscious or inner child mind.

5 Reasons to Question Monogamy at Elephant Journal

2015/08/27 /

Sketch of ClassicLet’s look at both monogamy and commitment with fresh eyes and consider five reasons to question both cultural ideas.

Let’s not oversimplify the deceit exemplified by Ashley Madison. Widespread cheating suggests sexual impulses exist beyond monogamy.

Many arguments against freer sexuality provoke fear and even persecution exemplified in slut shaming, honor killings and LGBT harassment.

The discovery of trial and error expands our choices. Discovery also exposes our mistakes.

For example, discovering what sex will not do liberates us from our imagination. Read More … Got to Elephant Journal 

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